When Sahar married the man she thought would be a decent life partner and father to the children she dreamed of having, she did not know that life would throw her into the arms of someone with whom she would know neither dignity nor security. She was shocked to discover he was a drug addict, an abuser, a thief, and mentally unstable.
Years passed and she had a child after the other, but despite all she had suffered, divorce was not an option, as her family offered her no support. Sahar was forced to stay in her marriage even as she felt increasingly shunned by society because of her husband’s thefts. As she describes him: “He left marks of shame and harm on us, my brothers and sisters, my family, and our neighbors—everyone around knows who he is.”
With the beginning of the Israeli aggression on October 7, 2023, and the forced displacement of the residents of Gaza City and the northern cities and towns to cities and areas in the south, Sahar found no one willing to take her in because of him. “My family told me ‘If you bring him, we won’t take you in.’ That’s indeed what happened. I left first on my own, but he followed me, and so they refused to host me.” She turned to her sister, but received the same response from her sister’s in-laws: “My sister’s mother-in-law told me, ‘I can’t take you in, find somewhere else.”
Sahar was devastated by how those around her treated her even as she fled bombardment and death. Yet she knew it was her husband and his actions that had dragged her into this situation. She was forced to keep moving, again and again, each time picking up the pieces of her life and the shadows of disappointment and scandal caused by her husband—moving from one school-turned-shelter to one tent after another.
He resorted to theft to such an extent that people took their anger out on Sahar and her children. She recounts: “He stole gold from a woman from a well-known family. They surrounded the tent, attacked me and the children. They wouldn’t let me leave. Then they took the tent and everything inside that could be sold.” When she pleaded with her family for help, they abandoned her once again: “I begged them to come get me. They said, ‘We won’t interfere.’”
Sahar sought refuge in another camp, where some people donated materials for her to build a tent, but her husband did not give up despite what had happened. “My husband did not quit and started stealing cell phones. The camp administration started investigating me and my children because of him.” She goes on to recount another incident, “He dishonored some people, and got me in trouble with them. They grabbed my children and scared them by shooting some bullets close to them. They also sent women to beat me and about 40 men destroyed the tent and threw all my belongings on the ground. There was nothing left in the tent that I could take with me.” Sahar says despairingly, “Every time I start over from scratch, he brings me back to square one.”
She says, “I can’t handle his problems. I have high blood pressure, and my daughter is sick and needs treatment. I am already bearing the responsibility for my children, and the suffering of displacement and Israeli aggression, —why should I bear his problems too?” Sahar tried to settle with her children in another camp away from him, but he did not leave her alone: “He started coming and stealing things and hiding them in my tent.” Not content with the suffering he inflicted on Sahar, he taught his children to steal: “As soon as I leave the tent, he makes my children steal.”
He robs people and spends the money on drugs. When he can’t get drugs, he takes his anger out on his family. “When he can’t find what he’s looking for, he beats me and my children. He keeps telling us that he doesn’t love us and doesn’t want us. He says, ‘I wish you’d disappear from my life.’ Despite this, he still comes to me when his own family refuses him or when he is turned away by the people in the area he tries to go to.”
Faced with the high cost of living during the continuing aggression and her husband’s lack of responsibility, Sahar found herself forced to work so that she could provide for her children and pay for her daughter’s medical treatment. She began preparing and selling “Doqqa,” a Gazan spice mix, similar in texture and preparation to “Za’atar,” but made from other ingredients and red in color. Yet, as soon as she entered the market, some men began harassing her. She recounts: “I started to be subjected to inappropriate advances. Men would touch my hands or tell me, ‘I’ll buy all your stock, but you have to come with me,’ or ‘I’ll give you a room with everything you need, or I’ll start a business for you, but come along.”
Sahar rejected each of these attempts outright, as she was aware of what was happening. But what pained her was that all of this was happening because of her husband and his behavior. She says: “What made people dare to harass and exploit me was that they saw him standing there, unbalanced, with red eyes. I became easy prey for them.” On the other hand, her husband took advantage of the situation to publicly abuse her.
She recounts another incident: “My children and I were about to go to sleep, and I forgot to close the window of the tent. He came and said, ‘The whole camp is coming to you, and they all want you. Who knows what you do when I’m gone.’” She adds bitterly: “Over a forgotten open window, he slandered my honor in front of the entire camp, making me a target for anyone who wants to mess with me!”
At the same time that her relatives and community reject her because of her husband, people consider her staying with him as acceptance of his actions. “People think that as long as you’re with him, you must approve of what he’s doing,” she says. But those same people wouldn’t support her and her children if she left him: “I thought about divorce, but where would I go? My family tells me: ‘We can’t take care of your children.’”
She continues, “If I still had my house, it’d be easier. Nobody used to know how we really lived. But in the tent we’re exposed. Everything happens in full view of everyone. I have no space left in society… zero!” So she decided, if she had the chance, to travel to get treatment for her daughter, and not to return, as nothing ties her to this place except scandal and humiliation. She has no home to shelter her and no family to protect her. She expresses her only desire: “I just want support, a place where my children and I can rest and feel safe.”
And yet, despite everything she has been through, she still believes that the reconstruction of the Gaza Strip will provide her with the privacy and safety she needs. She has been living a difficult life for years, but the Israeli aggression, the loss of her home, and life in the camps have made the situation unbearable. She concludes, “My house was my shelter. If it is rebuilt, I’ll treat my daughter and return. But in the camp, every problem turns into a scandal.”
Disclaimer: The names used in the previous testimony are aliases.
“This document has been produced with the support of the Heinrich-Böll-Stiftung. The views expressed herein are those of the author(s) and therefore do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Heinrich-Böll-Stiftung.”
